Obsession

[Zhil]

As you might have noticed, I'm moving. Due to a series of unfortunate events, I never got round to moving out of my parental home, which is something I'm doing right now, at 26. Anyway.

I'm cleaning out my room, something I've never fully done, so I'm running across stuff that goes back about 15 years (to when I was 10).

Holy shit. What I found was two full boxes of sketch pads, lined paper, notebooks, etc, all about the creation and design of games. Starting with maze designs as a kid, to board games, to video games, to art books, to programming courses. There must be thousands and thousands of paper pages, completely dedicated to game design, in and around my room, most of it written myself. Just now, I found a sketch book with pages of RPG lamp designs in different styles.

I always thought that game design was a recent interest I picked up when I was around 17, but apparently, it's this HUGE obsession that has been dictating my life, well, at least since before I was 10. I've realized it a few months ago, but apparently it's a lot worse than I thought.

Now I'm wondering; is this a healthy obsession? I'm not sure...

[BinoAl]

Now I'm wondering; is this a healthy obsession? I'm not sure...

Hell yes it is :) Its not an unhealthy obsession, it's a passion :) I'm sort of the same way, but my childhood was spent making DnD style board games, rather than art focused things. Anyone else remember the game heroscape? I begged for that for christmas, only to never play the actual game, and instead, use the figurines and land pieces to make my own games :)

[kregoth]

It really depends on how habitually obsessed you are with it. A habit that you enjoy doing or brings you fulfillment really can't be considered unhealthy. The only time it would be considered otherwise would be if it kept you from getting further in life, or overthrew your ability to do your other day to day task like work.

As long as you enjoy it, and you feel you can turn it into something that can become more then just a habit, then keep doing it.

[FlowerChild]

Now I'm wondering; is this a healthy obsession? I'm not sure...

Yeah, as someone that's been obsessed with games since childhood, I often waver back and forth between thinking it's unhealthy or not.

Just to say: I know where you're coming from :)

[Zhil]

rather than art focused things.

Oh, there's certainly lots of art there, but the bulk of things is text. I could easily fill a book or two with all potential game ideas scribbled on these pages. From quick shooter prototypes to full mythologies I spent months on.

It really depends on how habitually obsessed you are with it. A habit that you enjoy doing or brings you fulfillment really can't be considered unhealthy. The only time it would be considered otherwise would be if it kept you from getting further in life, or overthrew your ability to do your other day to day task like work.

As long as you enjoy it, and you feel you can turn it into something that can become more then just a habit, then keep doing it.

Yeah, this is where it gets hard. I do feel like it impacts my life. I went to art college on a whim because I was creating game art a lot in that time. That was a costly mistake that took 2 years of my life. My constant scribbling of game ideas keeps me up at night, keeps me from getting a job, etc.

Yeah, as someone that's been obsessed with games since childhood, I often waver back and forth between thinking it's unhealthy or not.

Just to say: I know where you're coming from :)

Heh. I could have guessed that you were in a similar boat :)

The weird thing is, I don't even like playing games that much. I like creating games a thousand times more.

It became clear to me today that I need a constructive way to vent my ideas. The easy solution is probably to set goals and actually finish a game, even if it's a freeware hobby thing. I've got a few promising ideas, but I keep scrapping them to achieve perfection, so I keep getting stuck in the brainstorm phase.

I actually have an idea lying around based on SpaceChem and BTW, I'll need to write it all down and show you guys :)

[Panda]

There are MUCH worse obsessions, my best friends father is head of a psychiatric center, well talking to him he said he's working with a guy who's obsessed with pulling over on the road and engaging in sexual acts with road kill, so no your obsession ia completely normal compared to others.

[FlowerChild]

It became clear to me today that I need a constructive way to vent my ideas. The easy solution is probably to set goals and actually finish a game, even if it's a freeware hobby thing. I've got a few promising ideas, but I keep scrapping them to achieve perfection, so I keep getting stuck in the brainstorm phase.

I think that's one of the reasons modding appeals to me so much. It gives me a creative outlet without having to worry about all the grunt-work that is required to setup a game from scratch. When I feel like making something I can take it from conception to completion very rapidly, and then move onto something else as my whims dictate.

There are MUCH worse obsessions, my best friends father is head of a psychiatric center, well talking to him he said he's working with a guy who's obsessed with pulling over on the road and engaging in sexual acts with road kill, so no your obsession ia completely normal compared to others.

Yeah, yeah...and there are starving children in Africa.

Someone always has a worse problem than your own man. It doesn't invalidate it, nor does it mean you should ignore it.

[BinoAl]

Yeah, yeah...and there are starving children in Africa.

There are also starving children in Africa being forced into becoming child soldiers. *trumped*

[Zhil]

I think that's one of the reasons modding appeals to me so much. It gives me a creative outlet without having to worry about all the grunt-work that is required to setup a game from scratch. When I feel like making something I can take it from conception to completion very rapidly, and then move onto something else as my whims dictate.

Well, I've never really made mods. It's an interesting idea. If only Minecraft's vanilla code wouldn't make me cringe every time I open it :)

There are MUCH worse obsessions, my best friends father is head of a psychiatric center, well talking to him he said he's working with a guy who's obsessed with pulling over on the road and engaging in sexual acts with road kill, so no your obsession ia completely normal compared to others.

Well, yeah, that's worse in a sense, but staring at boxes and boxes full of stuff and realizing that 90% of your living space is taken by a single obsession that you didn't even realize you had is kind of crazy too :/

Creepy thing is, I'm a programmer now. I only learned to program because I wanted to make games. My professional career is based on a child's dream that stuck around.


I don't know. I suppose it's all healthy if I manage to give it a meaningful place in my life, but right now, I just creeped myself out.

[Ferrus.Manus]

Yeah, yeah...and there are starving children in Africa.

There are also starving children in Africa being forced into becoming child soldiers. *trumped*

Actually I'm pretty sure they fed their child soldiers at least decently, so it's more of a binary choice - either a starving child or a child soldier.

[Zhil]

I wonder if there's a starving child soldier somewhere with a room full of sketches of knights and alien races and how their society is a fun one to place an RPG in.

Him I sympathize with ;)

[BinoAl]

My professional career is based on a child's dream that stuck around.

That's a great thing, though. How many people ACTUALLY get to do what they wanted to do growing up? If it makes you happy, keep on chugging along :)

[FlowerChild]

That's a great thing, though. How many people ACTUALLY get to do what they wanted to do growing up? If it makes you happy, keep on chugging along :)

I'd advise against becoming an addiction counselor :)

[Panda]

It became clear to me today that I need a constructive way to vent my ideas. The easy solution is probably to set goals and actually finish a game, even if it's a freeware hobby thing. I've got a few promising ideas, but I keep scrapping them to achieve perfection, so I keep getting stuck in the brainstorm phase.

I think that's one of the reasons modding appeals to me so much. It gives me a creative outlet without having to worry about all the grunt-work that is required to setup a game from scratch. When I feel like making something I can take it from conception to completion very rapidly, and then move onto something else as my whims dictate.

There are MUCH worse obsessions, my best friends father is head of a psychiatric center, well talking to him he said he's working with a guy who's obsessed with pulling over on the road and engaging in sexual acts with road kill, so no your obsession ia completely normal compared to others.

Yeah, yeah...and there are starving children in Africa.

Someone always has a worse problem than your own man. It doesn't invalidate it, nor does it mean you should ignore it.

Oh no no i didnt mean it like yours his isnt important, i meant it like thats a good hobby and nothing to be ashamed of, some people have bad hobbies though

I know how gil feels, i reflect back on my childhood to and realized how obsessed i was with legos, conection maybe? ; )

[FlowerChild]

Well, I've never really made mods. It's an interesting idea. If only Minecraft's vanilla code wouldn't make me cringe every time I open it :)

This is actually the second time I've done it. The first time was a 40K themed Half-Life mod called Inferno about a decade ago. The strange part about that one was that I was working full-time on a commercial title at the time, really busting my ass to get it done, but really wasn't having any fun doing it. I wound up gravitating towards modding as the release to my creativity that wasn't happening at work.

So, I basically put myself in a position where I was working on games around the clock, both professionally, and as a hobby. I don't think my girlfriend of the time much cared for it ;)

Anyways, that project died a few months in due to some RL troubles that popped up for me. Was a shame really as it was just at the stage of developing a loyal fan base (some of whom continued to play it a very long time after I had to drop it), and it took me a good ten years to clue back into how enjoyable it really is to do this kind of thing.

Just to say that you may want to consider it, as it can be extremely rewarding, and has reminded me of why I love making games to begin with when I had more or less completely burned-out on my career making them.

Despite what other people say on it, sometimes doing what you love as a profession can turn into a real nightmare.

[FlowerChild]

The above inspired me to try and track down some of the stuff related to my old mod. I only came across a couple of small references on Half Life Planet and such, but I did come across the following tutorial I had written at one point while I was working on it.

Just for shits and giggles:

http://hlpp.thewavelength.net/tuts/namingweap.htm

[Zhil]

Haha, that's awesome. I noticed today that running into stuff you didn't even remember creating is refreshing. There's a few cool things I found in my stuff :)

I have an old idea lying around for a mini RPG based entirely on Lewis Caroll's Jabberwocky, but I need a linguistic expert to pull it off. Strange thing is, I used to graphics for a guy's game and he was studying linguistics at the time. I'm thinking that would be a cool game to create (and easy, since it's so small). I might do that, just to get something out quickly.

[FlowerChild]

Haha, that's awesome. I noticed today that running into stuff you didn't even remember creating is refreshing. There's a few cool things I found in my stuff :)

Hehe...yeah, totally. One thing I'm really struck by in the tutorial is how helpful I'm being in comparison to the cynical old bastard I am now ;)

There's definitely traces of my sarcasm and such, but nowhere at the level it is now.

So, there's a glimpse at a young FlowerChild before his heart turned black and shriveled :)

[kregoth]

The above inspired me to try and track down some of the stuff related to my old mod. I only came across a couple of small references on Half Life Planet and such, but I did come across the following tutorial I had written at one point while I was working on it.

Just for shits and giggles:

http://hlpp.thewavelength.net/tuts/namingweap.htm

Did a little bit of searching, did you happen to host the files on gamefront? http://www.gamefront.com/files/listing/ ... ns/inferno

It really depends on how habitually obsessed you are with it. A habit that you enjoy doing or brings you fulfillment really can't be considered unhealthy. The only time it would be considered otherwise would be if it kept you from getting further in life, or overthrew your ability to do your other day to day task like work.

As long as you enjoy it, and you feel you can turn it into something that can become more then just a habit, then keep doing it.

Yeah, this is where it gets hard. I do feel like it impacts my life. I went to art college on a whim because I was creating game art a lot in that time. That was a costly mistake that took 2 years of my life. My constant scribbling of game ideas keeps me up at night, keeps me from getting a job, etc.

I had a very similar experience, 10 years ago I went to full sail with the full intent of becoming a game designer. Sadly I didn't honestly research what I was getting into before going. I soon discovered programming was something I really didn't like and dropped out 6 months in. I was a wreck spent a ton of money and came out with nothing to show for it. EDIT: I don't hate programming I just prefer modding, because I have tools and working functions to build on.. instead of trying to make everything myself. which at the time there was no where near as many tools and engine to work with compared to now.

After that I started doing game testing, Low end stuff anyway. I did contract work for Nintendo and Microsoft, although I was never able to keep going with it due to a near fatal car accident 3 years ago. But, now I am attempting to pursue some online courses in business management and Communication classes, and hope to turn that into a career in Community management for game related work. It's slow but I finally was able to find what I am really good at and enjoy doing. and it all started with an unhealthy addiction to games. So don't give up perhaps you just havent found the right nitch in what it is you want out of game design.. or something like that lol :)

[FlowerChild]

Did a little bit of searching, did you happen to host the files on gamefront? http://www.gamefront.com/files/listing/ ... ns/inferno

I don't recall, but that looks like the mod. Neat :)

[SilvasRuin]

An obsession such as game design is unlikely to hurt anyone else, especially since most of it is mental and record keeping. The only one it's likely to harm is yourself and... anyone who negligence on your part could cause harm to. Considering that, this obsession of yours is only unhealthy if it gets in the way of your ability to make a living, to interact with others sensibly, and to care for yourself and any who depend on you. You don't seem to have those problems.

[kregoth]

Did a little bit of searching, did you happen to host the files on gamefront? http://www.gamefront.com/files/listing/ ... ns/inferno

I don't recall, but that looks like the mod. Neat :)

awesome! there where 3 files it seems, 1 for the mod, 1 for an update of sorts, and one for some outpost level. Hmm if I had half-life installed I would download them and test it out lol.

[FlowerChild]

awesome! there where 3 files it seems, 1 for the mod, 1 for an update of sorts, and one for some outpost level. Hmm if I had half-life installed I would download them and test it out lol.

It's MP only though man (exact opposite of BTW), so you might have a hard time finding a server ;)

[Poppycocks]

Yeah, same shit here.

One to two chapters of at least three different books, a half completed rule book, quarter a sack of dungeons and mazes, three decks of different cards games, two game tables, a couple of notepads and a ton of sketchpads.

I'm feeling dirty and guilty when thinking about all of the things I've never finished.

Well, at least all of that shit is safely stashed away back at my old folks apartment.

But then there's the corpses buried on my hard-drive. I'm thinking about finally formatting my old drive, but always feel like I could loose something vital.

Crap, I hate to be reminded that I'll never amount to anything. Oh well.

[Zhil]

So, I threw 99% of the stuff in the garbage. I feel a little lighter now :)